Baby Power

First I have to say that I apologize for all of the typos and what not in my last post. I just read over it and thought...man this looks like poop! I will try to do better.

So, my nephew is just about the cutest baby boy in the entire world. Actually, he is he cutest baby boy in the entire world and I do not mind admitting my partiality. Let us revisit the amazing trip we took to Charleston last weekend...

For some time now, James has been talking about wanting to run the Cooper River Bridge Run in Charleston again. He ran it once in college and mentioned on several occasions that he would enjoy doing that again. So, last year some time he and his brother Charlie committed to running it together in 2011. While James does enjoy lifting weights, he is not so much a cardio boy, so he thought it would be a good way to encourage, and let's be honest, force him to get in 10K shape for April. We knew some time after they decided to run the race that Charlie and Jewel would be expecting the baby in March, so we have honestly been counting down the days for a long time! Our friends Val and Jayson decided to participate in the race as well so so the four of us made our way to Charleston! And let me just say, this was such a fun trip! I don't know what else to say about it. It was the perfect balance of things to do and relaxation (well, maybe a little less relaxation that I could have stood) and the time spent with everyone was just awesome. There were no dull moments and no lack of anxious volunteers to hold little Caleb.

Let's break down the baby thing for a minute. Okay, so the short version of the baby story is that when I was a kid, I always wanted kids. Then, I got a little older and didn't have much of an opinion one way or the other. Then I wanted kids again or at least liked the idea of having a family some day but it always seemed just that...some day...like a day very far from where I was at that moment.

So what happened next? I met James, fell in love, and got married. And let me say this about James...the man is a baby magnet. Kids of all varieties love him. It seriously doesn't matter what he says or does, the kiddos flock to him like cake. It is cute, but a little annoying because the kids always like him more than me! I feel silly saying that, but it is the truth. What I have learned more recently is that contrary to James' magnetic field, I fear children of all varieties. Sure they look all cute and cuddly, but they are just so small and fragile and dependent (in a good way of course). The knowledge that James and I are getting to a point where having babies isn't just "some day" that will be a long time from now is, well, frightening. All those "can I really be a mom" fears start talking in my head and it make me want to run away and hide sometimes. I really do want a family and I think James would be a great dad and I am sure I would be a good mom too. I think my biggest fear is knowing that our children could potentially be negatively affected by my shortcomings. No parent is perfect blah, blah, blah I know all of that, but it didn't make it any less scary to me, not until meeting Caleb.

I think Caleb may hold a special place in my heart for many reasons, but the most memorable will be the calm that I felt for the first time in my life when it comes to the idea of children. I was terrified of him at first, but seeing his sweet face and his little hands and feet, hearing him cry, and watching him sleep was pretty hard to resist. I finally found the nerve to hold him and after about 2 seconds of that I was convinced that I didn't want to give him back! I don't know if it is because he is family or if it was God's way of changing my heart, but I felt something inside me move that I did not know was there. What an amazing, precious gift God has given James and I to be Caleb's aunt and uncle. And that's just it, I'm only his aunt! I cannot imagine the joy that you feel when you hold your own child in your arms....it seems like everywhere I turn, my friends are either having babies or finding out for the first time that they will soon be parents, and I can sense the excitement that they feel. And I can for once say, I think I'm getting excited about maybe having a little family of my own in the near future, God willing. I can say that I want to be a mom...a loving, encouraging, God-fearing woman who would stop at nothing to do all that she could to be a great parent. And that is still a little scary to say, but I think the reward would far out-weigh the fear of failure. I can say that because I felt the way the world seemed to stop with Caleb in my arms. And I'll have James there every step of the way and there is NO doubt in my mind that he will be an incredible dad. So thank you little Caleb and thank you Lord for working on my heart by showing me that I can and will be the mother you intended me to be some day, maybe even some day soon.

It's been a while, but I'm still here!

It seems crazy that it's been almost a year since I last posted anything on my blog. I think I may have even forgotten that I had a blog for a while. So much for putting my thoughts in writing! It's really no excuse, but ever since I started my new job life has been a whirlwind. It was a crazy career transition and more training than one could really even imagine, so with my one year anniversary coming up tomorrow most days I still feel like I'm the "new girl." :)

Updates, updates, updates? Even though I haven't posted since last April I'm not sure there is must to write about so I'll just hit the high-lights!

1. James was able to go to day watch in August!!!!!!!! For what seemed like an eternity (2 years and 5 months to be exact), James worked the crappy 2:30 to 11:30pm shift at work. That meant we spent the majority of our days coordinating conversations about breaks and lunches and police radio traffic. Not ideal, but we made it work. Nevertheless, I cannot express in words the joy that rushed through my heart when I read the memo from his Major. I burst into tears of happiness and I hugged my husband so tight and I just couldn't let go. I have to say, him being home at night and having a more "normal" schedule is one of the best things that happened to us. I don't know that everyone can relate to how it feels to miss someone so much all the time and then to just have them there every day when you get home....it just feels soooo good. I love it.

2. We celebrated our first wedding anniversary in St. Augustine last October and it was fantastic. Life is so short and time goes by so quickly it was hard to grasp at that time that an entire year had passed and now here we are almost another half a year later. I just love James so much and often think about how lucky we are to have one another. He really is my perfect match and in him I find all the strength, love, and encouragement that I will ever need. As part of my gift to him I revisited the vows that we shared on our wedding day and wrote him a love letter of sorts. I explained just what those vows meant to me a year after marriage and how I had grown/felt we had grown even more closely together. Isn't it interesting that you can know someone so well and yet take a step back and see just how intimately you are now connected compared to some time in the past? It sounds silly, but you love really grows and changes all the time. I thank God for every moment spent with James and cannot wait for the rest of our lives together---I wish to love and respect him more each day and to treasure everything that we have together.

3. Thanksgiving was at our house this year and I didn't screw it up! Ha-ha well my mom made the turkey so that was probably why it worked out so well, but I actually did it (with the help of my amazing sister of course)! It was a hit and I hope I get to do it again this year!

4. My favorite Christmas memory? (Well aside from being able to spend the ENTIRE day with James and my family!) Definitely goes to the moment Brandon and Cameron opened up the Wii that we got for them...Cameron was excited but Brandon was beside himself. Quite literally, he could not believe his eyes and he was so emotional he didn't even know what to say. It was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen.

5. I started Weight Watchers around the beginning of the year. Not so much as a resolution for the new year as a resolution for life. I just hate getting dressed every day and I know I can feel and look better if I just do something about it and make real changes....so, it's been almost 12 weeks and I've lost about 25 pounds and I'm happy with that progress. I heard something on the radio that encouraged me to try to look at each month as a separate goal i.e. this month I want to eat better and try to lose 5-8 pounds....this month I want to incorporate exercise for 20 to 30 minutes a day 5 days a week in addition to eating healthier and losing 5-8 pounds....this month I want to eat even better and increase the intensity and duration of the exercise I'm doing and so on. So far, so good as they say. James is of course supporting me every step of the way and that makes it a lot easier. I'm not calling it a diet, it's just something I'm going to have to do for the rest of my life like it or not--and, it will be a good thing all around.

6. I hit the big 2-7 in February and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel any older...well I don't "feel" older, I just feel like 27 sounds old. Like hey, 30 here I come old. But, my life and the people in it are great so no real complaints. So far I'm embracing 27 with open arms!

7. James and I became an uncle and aunt to a very handsome Caleb Evan Sweeney born February 21st! James's brother Charlie and his wife Jewel are doing well and are very proud parents....just wait until they see the cute stuff we are bringing to Caleb next weekend! We cannot wait to meet him! :)

8. My little baby "sissy" is turning 21 years old in a few short days. While I don't really remember the day she was born, it seems impossible that she could be that old. Like, when did she grow up? In my mind she's still only 17ish so 21 seems totally unacceptable...to celebrate her I have a couple of favorite memories-- Brittany at 2 years old wearing my grandmother's straw hat and posing for a picture with the hugest smile and her eyes closed (she couldn't smile like that with them open I guess)... Around the same age starting to call me sissy which I absolutely detested. it was horrible, but we laugh about it now... At around 4 she was obsessed with the name Leon for every fictional character or game that we played--she would look me in the eyes and say, "okay, this time I will be Leon and you will beeeeeeee Leon" and I would say, "we cannot both me Leeeeeeeon!!!"... At around 4 or 5 attempting to sing every song lyric of every song ever created while only knowing about 2 or 3 of the actual words....teaching her the words to the theme from Pocahontas on vacation one year and practicing her debut in the closet--she was so passionate about it and still had some issues with the words--I probably did it to try to embarrass her but looking back it was one of the cutest things ever... Around 8 or 9 she started trying to do everything that I did and then some and the countless times I was scolded for saying "BRITNEEEEEEY" every time she got on my nerves... Around the time she was 12 or 13 I talked to her about life in college and boy drama etc. and actually feeling like she was a real person/friend and not just my dorky little sister... At 17 when she met Alex and she was soooo in love and swapping stories about the fantastic men in our lives... At 18 her graduating from high school and feeling so proud of her...that same year standing in the vestibule of the Thompson House getting ready to walk down the aisle at her wedding and hearing a voice from behind me in the staircase, "Karen, I'm like freaking out right now!" in those final seconds before she made her way down the aisle...watching her walk down the aisle and looking absolutely beautiful and so happy... At 19 spending countless hours together in the dried naturals section of Hobby Lobby before my wedding--would not have been able to stay calm/patient through all the decor nightmares without her there... And now having the best relationship we've ever had. She is my sister and my best friend and I love spending time with her and Alex...just last night we were hanging out learning the dougie dance together and she taught me soulja boy (about 4 years late)...she is all grown up now but I love her more all the time. Soooo excited to celebrate together this week and make another memory!

So that about sums it up I guess...maybe I will be a better blogger in the future, but the future is hard to predict.