Just saying...

For the first time in my life, I think I can say with some certainty that I know what it must be like to feel stupid.

I think we all have our moments, our days, even our weeks when nothing goes as planned and everything seems like a giant mess because we just can't seem to get things "together." That is one thing. It is something else altogether to feel stupid...perhaps inadequate is the more politically correct way to say that...because someone else feels it necessary to throw their weight around.

There is never a need or an appropriate time to talk to someone else in a way that makes them feel unqualified and unintelligent, especially if you have the opportunity to teach them something new. We don't wake up every morning with all of the knowledge that we need to make it through our day successfully...life is all about lessons and learning from other people and our own mistakes. Learning helps us develop grateful hearts that can appreciate where we have been and it also helps us weather the difficult moments when we feel lost.

I, for one, like to learn new things. I have always been someone who takes initiative and finds discovery quite enjoyable. I am someone who gives my all, even when I am doing something I do not like. It's just part of who I am.

At this moment all of that seems meaningless.

Today, I felt stupid.

Today, I felt inadequate.

Today, I felt unintelligent and undeserving.

Why do I feel this way? Very simple: I was made a fool in front of my peers because I am still learning. It seems I am falling short because I haven't mastered all that is new to me in a matter of days. Apparently that was part of someones foolish expectation of my ability. I am proud to say that I am not so full of myself to think I am able to conquer a wide array of unfamiliar information with no formal training.

If that makes me stupid, then let it be so.